Accepting Forgiveness

I have discovered a new blog that I keep reading the past few days. To be honest, it has prompted a lot of ideas I want to write about while simultaneously distracting me from writing! So...I finally settled on one idea and here I go.

For a long time, I have struggled with feeling disconnected from God. The past six months, I have drawn closer than I have been in a long time, but I still struggle with insecurities and doubt. How can God really forgive me for all the mistakes I've made? What if I make more mistakes? Will friends, family, and my future husband be able to forgive me?

I think Phylicia put it great in her post "Failing God: Why Accepting Grace will be Your Best Choice This Christmas Season". I hold onto the guilt and the fault from the mistakes I have made. Trust me...I've heard it before- if you don't forgive yourself, you're doubting God's forgiveness. But I still struggle with the idea of completely wiping clean the past.

I have been viewing things as on my record but stamped with "Forgiveness". I constantly remind myself that things are still their for everyone to see and know. I feel like anyone looking at me can see the mistakes I've made instead of the Christian I am trying to be.

Clearly this is an area I still need to work on. I need to better understand God's forgiveness and God's grace. Instead of focusing on the mistakes I've made and living in fear of making them again, I am excited to start this new year focusing on loving God and letting my behaviors stem from that fact.

"If you love me, you will keep my commandments" John 14:15

My focus will be on loving God so I can live in forgiveness and freedom of fear.