Take Me as I Am

I have always been a people pleaser. Growing up, I tried my best to be the top of class, the best musician, the best leader in youth group. As I continued in school, this drive continued. I wanted to please my parents, my professors, and my friends. I wanted everyone to like me. Unfortunately, this caused another phenomenon; morphing my values and morals to fit those I was around.

Because I felt the need to have a lot of friends, I often drifted between friend groups. It was somewhere in college that I realized I didn't mix my friend groups because they couldn't mix. I had friends who were as opposite as could be, yet somehow I fit with both groups. This applied to my dating life as well. I joke that I have no "type". I have dated someone that falls into almost any category you could imagine.

Self-reflection is a powerful thing. And it's funny what triggers it. Recently. I was trying to prove myself as the best candidate for something. I was stressing myself out and trying to guess what the committee would be interested in. Finally, after a week and a half of stress, I said forget it. I decided to focus on the unique interests, experiences, and abilities that I bring to the table as an individual. As days have past since that decision, I've begun to have further revelations. I don't want to fit with any friend group. I don't want to date someone just because they want to date me. I don't want to change who I am because it's what I think other people want from me.

I still wonder every day what God has in store for me. However, I have realized that he can't really show me what that is when I'm not being true to myself and to him. So...from here on out, my mantra is going to be "Take me as I am". I am not perfect. I have flaws; I make mistakes. But what I am is me. With my experiences, interests, quirks, mistakes, life lessons, goals, values, passions, and hobbies. It's cliche, but it's true...You can't be a first rate you if you're busy being a second rate someone else.